Last night I was beyond tired and I didn't feel well. The painting I was working on had been fighting me and I was getting really pissed off at it. I knew I should put the brush down and go back to working on it the next day. As a matter of fact I tried doing that....multiple times! I would go in the living room and attempt to watch a movie with my hubby but I kept getting up and going back at the studio and in a state of half anger and half anxiety I keep doing more to the painting. Suddenly I realized I was so pissed off at the painting that I wasn't even watching what I was doing any more I was just plopping more dye on and then it hit me is a massive wave of anxiety and regret.... SH** I ruined it!
So I didn't sleep all night. I tossed and turned and gnashed my teeth thinking is there anything I can do to save it. Don said he thought it was fine and that I should leave it alone. He agreed that I had probably gone too dark on the siding but his advice was to "Leave it alone, it's fine". Well I awoke this morning still exhausted and still not feeling good and when I got down to the studio it was clear that I was still hating what I had done to the painting. The night before I had told Don there was one thing I could think of to do before steaming that would either solve the problem or ruin the whole painting. "Don't do it!" he said. So at 7:00 this morning I stood in my pajamas in my studio mopping my painting with tons of alcohol to erase the part I didn't like. I scrubbed it with paper towels, I scrubbed it with a toothbrush and Q-tips soaked in alcohol. I scrubbed and mopped and scrubbed some more for about 45 minutes. Then when they dye was sufficiently lightened in the areas I didn't like I began to add new layers of dye in a calmer more centered state. The all of a sudden it had arrived right where I needed it to be. I literally put my hands in a prayer position and looked up and said 'Thank you God!"
I tried to tell myself it is only a painting and that it didn't matter if one painting was ruined but it did matter...a lot. It mattered too much, I know, but that is how I am every painting means the world to me and has ties that go very deep into my heart. This morning I think I finally figured out why, maybe that will be tomorrows blog post.
Here are the two versions:
|The siding was way too dark and sloppy. The angrier I got at it the more I just hacked away at it until it was a mess. The yard lacked definition. There is salt on the grass in this photo lifting some dye in an effort to add texture|
|This photo shows the painting after the removal of the dark siding lines using alcohol and the addition of more shadows and texture in the grass|