Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Falling in Love (Again)

Healer and Guides by Linda Marcille
The most devastating thing I think this illness took from me over the last 12 years was the ecstatic love I felt for the Divine. I remember so many times during episodes of deep illness and despair when I would call out to God and feel and hear nothing in response. I was trapped in the nightmare my own suffering and it had become so vast and concrete that it was blocking my connection with God. 

Over the last couple of years as I have been doing this amazing work with the Brazilian healer, John of God. Very deep healing is taking place in my spiritual core and blocks that I am not sure I could have ever released on my own have been released by this work. My heart is once again opening up and God's Love is pouring in and filling me with that inexplicable feeling of Divine Love. So even in moments when illness limits me and my physical body lets me down I once again have this overwhelming sense of connection with the Divine flowing throughout me. 

In the Moses Code, James Twyman says; " Calling upon the name of God joins us with the source of power that enables us to create miracles. It acts as a bridge between this world and Heaven, drawing into our lives everything we need to be happy and completely fulfilled."  Using the name of God as taught to us by Moses and Jesus, "I AM That, I AM", I am experiencing an even deeper journey into the miraculous. Nothing looks quite the same when your heart is open and the flames of Divine Love are burning brightly within you. 

Simply Falling
"There goes my heart again
All of this time I thought we were pretending
Nothing looks the same when your eyes are open
Now you’re playing these games to keep my heartbeat spinning
You show me love, you show me love
You show me everything my heart is capable of
You reshape me like butterfly origami

You have broken into my heart
This time i feel the blues have departed
Nothing can keep me away from this feeling
I know i am simply falling for you

I’m taking time to envision where your heart is
And justify why you’re gone for the moment
I tumble sometimes, looking for sunshine
And you know this is right when you look into my eyes
You show me love, you show me love
You show me everything my heart is capable of
And now I can’t break away from this fire that we started

There my heart goes again
In your arms I’m falling deeper
And there’s nothing to break me away from this" 

Monday, May 28, 2012

River Flow

Think on These Things 

~J. Krishnamurti

Chapter 17, This Matter of Culture

"I don't know if on your walks you have noticed a long, narrow pool beside the river. Some fishermen must have dug it, and it is not connected with the river. The river is flowing steadily, deep and wide, but this pool is heavy with scum because it is not connected with the life of the river, and there are no fish in it. It is a stagnant pool, and the deep river, full of life and vitality, flows swiftly along.

Now, don't you think human beings are like that? They dig a little pool for themselves away from the swift current of life, and in that little pool they stagnate, die; and this stagnation, this decay we call existence. That is, we all want a state of permanency; we want certain desires to last for ever, we want pleasures to have no end. We dig a little hole and barricade ourselves in it with our families, with our ambitions, our cultures, our fears, our gods, our various forms of worship, and there we die, letting life go by - that life which is impermanent, constantly changing, which is so swift, which has such enormous depths, such extraordinary vitality and beauty.
Have you not noticed that if you sit quietly on the banks of the river you hear its song - the lapping of the water, the sound of the current going by? There is always a sense of movement, an extraordinary movement towards the wider and the deeper. But in the little pool there is no movement at all, its water is stagnant. And if you observe you will see that this is what most of us want: little stagnant pools of existence away from life. We say that our pool-existence is right, and we have invented a philosophy to justify it; we have developed social, political, economic and religious theories in support of it, and we don't want to be disturbed because, you see, what we are after is a sense of permanency. Do you know what it means to seek permanency? It means wanting the pleasurable to continue indefinitely and wanting that which is not pleasurable to end as quickly as possible. We want the name that we bear to be known and to continue through family through property. We want a sense of permanency in our relationships, in our activities, which means that we are seeking a lasting, continuous life in the stagnant pool; we don't want any real changes there, so we have built a society which guarantees us the permanency of property, of name, of fame.
But you see, life is not like that at all; life is not permanent. Like the leaves that fall from a tree, all things are impermanent, nothing endures; there is always change and death. Have you ever noticed a tree standing naked against the sky, how beautiful it is? All its branches are outlined, and in its nakedness there is a poem, there is a song. Every leaf is gone and it is waiting for the spring. When the spring comes it again fills the tree with the music of many leaves, which in due season fall and are blown away; and that is the way of life.
But we don't want anything of that kind. We cling to our children, to our traditions, to our society, to our names and our little virtues, because we want permanency; and that is why we are afraid to die. We are afraid to lose the things we know. But life is not what we would like it to be; life is not permanent at all. Birds die, snow melts away, trees are cut down or destroyed by storms, and so on. But we want everything that gives us satisfaction to be permanent; we want our position, the authority we have over people, to endure. We refuse to accept life as it is in fact.
The fact is that life is like the river: endlessly moving on, ever seeking, exploring, pushing, overflowing its banks, penetrating every crevice with its water. But, you see, the mind won't allow that to happen to itself. The mind sees that it is dangerous, risky to live in a state of impermanency, insecurity, so it builds a wall around itself: the wall of tradition, of organized religion, of political and social theories. Family, name, property, the little virtues that we have cultivated - these are all within the walls, away from life. Life is moving, impermanent, and it ceaselessly tries to penetrate, to break down these walls, behind which there is confusion and misery. The gods within the walls are all false gods, and their writings and philosophies have no meaning because life is beyond them.
Now, a mind that has no walls, that is not burdened with its own acquisitions, accumulations, with its own knowledge, a mind that lives timelessly, insecurely - to such a mind, life is an extraordinary thing. Such a mind is life itself, because life has no resting place. But most of us want a resting place; we want a little house, a name, a position, and we say these things are very important. We demand permanency and create a culture based on this demand, inventing gods which are not gods at all but merely a projection of our own desires.
A mind which is seeking permanency soon stagnates; like that pool along the river, it is soon full of corruption, decay. Only the mind which has no walls, no foothold, no barrier, no resting place, which is moving completely with life, timelessly pushing on, exploring, exploding - only such a mind can be happy, eternally new, because it is creative in itself.
Do you understand what I am talking about? You should, because all this is part of real education and, when you understand it, your whole life will be transformed, your relationship with the world, with your neighbour, with your wife or husband, will have a totally different meaning. Then you won't try to fulfil yourself through anything, seeing that the pursuit of fulfilment only invites sorrow and misery. That is why you should ask your teachers about all this and discuss it among yourselves. If you understand it, you will have begun to understand the extraordinary truth of what life is, and in that understanding there is great beauty and love, the flowering of goodness. But the efforts of a mind that is seeking a pool of security, of permanency, can only lead to darkness and corruption. Once established in the pool, such a mind is afraid to venture out, to seek, to explore; but truth, God, reality or what you will, lies beyond the pool.
Do you know what religion is? It is not the chant, it is not in the performance of puja, or any other ritual, it is not in the worship of tin gods or stone images, it is not in the temples and churches, it is not in the reading of the Bible or the Gita, it is not in the repeating of a sacred name or in the following of some other superstition invented by men. None of this is religion,
Religion is the feeling of goodness that love which is like the river living moving everlastingly. In that state you will find there comes a moment when there is no longer any search at all; and this ending of search is the beginning of something totally different. The search for God, for truth, the feeling of being completely good - not the cultivation of goodness, of humility, but the seeking out of something beyond the inventions and tricks of the mind, which means having a feeling for that something, living in it, being it - that is true religion. But you can do that only when you leave the pool you have dug for yourself and go out into the river of life. Then life has an astonishing way of taking care of you, because then there is no taking care on your part. Life carries you where it will because you are part of itself; then there is no problem of security, of what people say or don't say, and that is the beauty of life."

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Placing a Flag on Your Grave

This morning I am thinking about my Dad and the fact that in a graveyard far from my home some stranger will be placing a flag on his grave for Memorial Day. I won't be there to see it, no one from my family will, and this brings a melancholy to my heart. 

There is a place deep within me where I hold you tight and am comforted. I  whisper a secret wish up to God, and ask an angel to deliver a message to you. God touches that place in my heart causing it to stir and answers, "You were never really separated". 

So I am with you, both then and now. Our separation is only an illusion, for still you run through my veins and fill my heart. I am 3, lying in a hammock, listening to your heartbeat and I am 49 guiding the hand of a distant stranger, who may just be an angel, placing a flag on your grave.

"So speak kind to a stranger
Cause you'll never know
It just might be an angel come
Knockin' at your door"

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Paint a New Picture

How do you feel? No, really, how do you really feel right now? Because the way that you feel about your present situation may very well control the outcome. When you are sick does a voice in your mind repeat over and over again " I feel awful", "I am so sick", "This sucks"? When you look in the mirror do you frown at your reflection and say "I look like shit"? If your small child was sick would you speak to him or her like that, or would you use loving, supportive words to try to uplift them and make them feel comforted? A child that feels supported, comforted and nurtured will heal much more quickly than one that is put down, and feels frightened and alone. Your subconscious mind is like a small child. It believes what you tell it, every word exactly as you speak it is registered as Gospel by your subconscious mind. There is a mountain of truth in the saying "You are what you think". So feed your mind loving and supportive thoughts. Fill your imagination with thoughts that create the results you want, not the results that you don't want. Picture yourself as an artist and allow your mind to be your canvas, paint beautiful pictures and fill the "gallery" of your mind with them. When a negative image appears on your canvas paint over it with a more positive image. These images, thoughts and words are what control the things that will become manifest in your life. 

"Your feelings are the key to drawing what you wish for into your life. Divine Energy flows in the direction that you design. If you feel that you don't have something, then it is the not having that the energy responds to. If you feel that you already have the thing that you're asking for, then God responds accordingly. Your feelings steer the wheel that guides the ship of your life into the port of your highest desire, setting the course your destiny follows to the fulfillment of your dreams."
~James F. Twyman. The Moses Code

Friday, May 25, 2012

Imagine That!

The more I study the principles of using the name of God, "I AM", to manifest healing in my life the more aware I am becoming of the deluge of negative thoughts that flood my mind everyday. In Wishes Fulfilled Wayne Dyer uses the analogy of taking your money and going out on a big shopping spree. Sounds fun right? What if when you got home and emptied out your shopping bags you realized that you absolutely hated everything you bought? That would be insane right! But that is what we all do with our thoughts all day. We tend to get stuck on the thoughts and images of what we don't want instead of focusing our imaginings on manifesting what we do want. If I had a penny for every time thoughts like; "I don't feel good", "I hate being sick", "this pain is killing me", "I can't do anything anymore"  went through my brain I would be a lot richer that WayneDyer is right now ;~) 

The "I AM Discourses" proclaim: 
"If an individual were to see a rattlesnake coiled, would he walk right up to be struck? Certainly not! Yet this is what students are doing when they let their attention turn back to their troubles. Such habits are only past momentum given a specific quality.
There are only two activities in Life, and if you will not let the Inner govern according to Its plan of Perfection, then the outer must. When a constructive picture is flashed to your mind, it is a reality. When you recall it as a mental picture and hold it again, it calls forth the reality. One can become so aware of his own God Presence that at any time he can see and feel Its Radiance pouring out to him.
For things it does not want, the outer has all the confidence in the world. It is up to the student to compel it to have the same confidence for the Perfection of God that it has for the imperfection of the senses.
~Godfre Ray King

Since I have been reading books like "Wishes Fulfilled", "The Moses Code", "The "I AM" Disclosures" and  The “I AM” Quotes" of Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, I have been guarding  my thoughts much more carefully. Whenever I feel my self slipping into old patterns of negative thinking I call on the Great "I Am, That, I Am" presence within me to bring forth that which I truly desire. "I AM" in Perfect Health", "I AM" at Peace,  "I AM" Loved", "I AM" Safe". It is the most powerful practice I have ever done and I have seen immediate results. 

"If you would like to accomplish something you must first expect it from yourself. Everyone of you are a spark that can grow until you recognize that you truly are divine beings. Because in every moment of your life you have this choice, you can either be a host to God or a hostage to your ego. It's your call."
 ~ Wayne Dyer

May you take time to celebrate the quiet miracles that seek no attention
May you be consoled in the secret symmetry of your soul
May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder
May you have joy and peace in the temple of your senses

Mere Raam ~ My God
This is from Snatam Kaur's ~ Ras ~ CD

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Wind on the Mountain

If you shield the mountain from the windstorms, you'll never see the beauty of the carvings. ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

This year on 12/12/12 I will turn 50! Then the Mayan calendar ends on 12/21. How cool is that for a birthday number line up, all 1's and 2's! So today when I was combing my hair I saw a grey hair and it made me smile. I thought to myself "At nearly 50 I deserve that grey hair. Heck I worked hard for it!"  

I am really looking forward to my 50's. I am so much better equipped for life than I was at any other point in my life. I am more at ease with myself and more tolerant of what I perceive to be my short comings. I have more patience and I am more tolerant, although I admit to still being a work in progress ;~). The Wind is still carving me and shaping me into the person that God had in mind when he created me. He always knew I was perfect, it has just taken Him a while to convince me of that fact. So when the winds in my life blew hard  and I wondered why He did not shield me, I now understand that He left just enough of me exposed so that I could be shaped into the woman I am today. There are plenty of times I may have disagreed with what I am about to say, but, I am grateful for that exposure. It has smoothed out my rough edges and I like the woman I am turning out to be, she feels more like an old friend than something that needs to be fixed, changed or made right. 

In John Mayers song "In Repair"  the final verse says:
"And now I'm walking in a park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me"

For most of my life I have felt that I was "In Repair" but this morning as I was sung awake with birdsong, surrounded by Spring's intense cloak of green, and a single well earned grey hair made it's appearance, just months before my 50th birthday, I am thinking, "This will be a good time to say you know me".

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Meeting John of God & Wayne Dyer

I am so grateful for the stream of events that has been leading me to all of these amazing teachers over the last few years. It has taken me a long time to write publicly in any detail about my John of God experience, mostly because the experience cannot be fully expressed with words. It was just too deep, too personal and the work continues to be completed in me even as I write this post 8 months later. 
Last September when I went before John of God a whole new chapter in my spiritual growth began to write itself. I had been working with a very talented intuitive healer that is also guided by the Benevolent Healing Spirits of John of God. I had many Spiritual "surgeries"through my work with John of God over the last couple of years. Some of the work was incredibly intense and at times so much anger and anxiety came bubbling up that I thought it would consume me. Other times the increase in pain and illness was so intense I did not think I would survive it. Each healing crisis was followed by more intense spiritual and physical healing work. All this time my flesh and blood guide was there for me and she continued (and still continues)  to hold a space of healing and safety for me. 
When I saw John of God I was one of 1,600 people that were standing in lines to see him. We were warned that we would be brushed past him very quickly, but we were assured  that this brief encounter would still result in very powerful healing. The line was moving very quickly and when it got to the point that I was next in line I was trembling I was so nervous. As I approached John of God he motioned for me to come closer. I walked up to him and he looked me in the eye and exclaimed, "You are much better!".  He continued to ask me questions for what seemed like an eternity while the entire line just stopped. It seemed that while he was talking with me the whole world stood still.  There is much more to this story that I will share another time but for my current purpose it is important for me to convey that the spark of God that was in John of God that day recognized me in a crowed of 1,600 people and he took the time to stop everything in the midst of all that chaos to tell me I was being healed. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. 
Wayne Dyer got on the stage the next morning and told us how he had been healed of his leukemia through his work with John of God. He also told us that he was writing an important new book called "Wishes Fulfilled".  Now 8 months after hearing Wayne speak about his own personal healing experience with John of God I am reading his book and it is splitting my soul wide open! Wayne mentions many books and writers that inspired this new work of his. One of the works that Wayne's book lead me to is the "I Am Discourses" by Godfre Ray King. Every word I read is Gosple to me and speaks such truth to my heart and soul. 

Below is a partial quote from I Am Disclosure number 1:
"Life, in all Its Activities everywhere manifest, is God in Action; and it is only through lack of the understanding of applied thought and feeling that mankind is constantly interrupting the pure flow of that Perfect Essence of Life which would, without interference, naturally express Its Perfection everywhere.

The natural tendency of Life is Love, Peace, Beauty, Harmony, and Opulence, for Life cares not who uses It, but is constantly surging to pour more of Its Perfection into manifestation, always with that lifting process which is ever inherent within Itself.
"I AM"
"I AM" is the Activity of "That Life." How strange it is that students with sincere interest do not seem to get the True Meaning of those two words. When you say and feel "I AM," you release the spring of Eternal, Everlasting Life to flow on Its way unmolested. In other words, you open wide the door to Its natural flow. When you say "I AM not," you shut the door in the face of this Mighty Energy.

"I AM" is the Full Activity of God. Having placed before you so often the Truth of God in Action, I wish you to understand Its first expression in individualization. The first expression of every individual, everywhere in the Universe, either in spoken word, silent thought or feeling, is "I AM," recognizing Its Own Conquering Divinity.

The student, endeavoring to understand and apply these mighty, yet simple Laws, must stand guard more strictly over his thought and expression —in word or otherwise; for every time you say "I AM not," "I cannot," "I have not," you are, whether knowingly or unknowingly, throttling that "Great Presence" within you. This is just as tangible as if you placed your hands about the throat of an outer form, only with the outer form, your thought governing the hand, you can release it at any time; but when you make a declaration using the words "I AM not," you set in motion Mighty, Limitless Energy that continues to act, unless it is recalled and the imperfection consumed and transmuted. " ~Godfre Ray King
Orbs and green glowing light in the main tent the morning I went before John of God

"I AM" Healed


Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I'm Still Looking Up

Many of you know that over the last 12 years I have tried thousands of cures for this stubborn disease. Medications of every kind, including pills, herbs, IV's and all the assorted potions, lotions and "cures" out there. I have tried prayer, visualizations, brain retraining, mantras, meditations. I have tooted on love flutes and banged on drums with Shamans, done yoga, and Reiki. I've been on restricted diets, fasts, cleanses. I have done it all and through it all I have always believed that I will receive healing. I still do. I also believe that this illness is a  messenger of sorts and that without it I would not have advanced spiritually the way that I have over these 12 years.

I am reading Wayne Dyer's "Wishes Fulfilled" book on the words "I Am that I Am" being the name of God.  Something huge is shifting in me, something all those other treatments weren't able to budge. I can't completely form it into words yet but I feel that I am on the cusp of a very big change in my life. Another leap forward on this journey. It feels very sentimental and scared, somehow ancient, yet completely new.

This song floated into my life yesterday through my new friend Carl. I had never heard it before but I immediately felt a deep connection to it. It feels like a conversation between my Higher Self and my Inner Child and at the same time a conversation between God and me.

"I see that you've come so far
 To be right where you are
 How old is your soul? 

 I won't give up on us
 Even if the skies get rough
 I'm giving you all my love
 I'm still looking up"

"I Won't Give Up"
by Jason Mraz

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Monday, May 21, 2012

Sacred Spark Within

"The Creator has planted within every creature a fragment of himself, a spark, a spirit of the same nature as himself and, thanks to this spirit, every creature can become a creator. And this means that, instead of always waiting for their needs to be satisfied by some external source, human beings can work inwardly by means of their thought, their will, and their spirit to obtain the nourishing healing elements they need. This is why the teaching I bring you is of the spirit, of the creator and not of matter...." 
~Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Adding Stitch to Bird Moon Painting

Ok well I had another backslide health-wise and spent about a week mostly in bed. Yesterday I was still exhausted but I was dying to get back into the studio so I just fooled around with some experimentation and yesterday evening I sat and did some stitching on it while Don and I watched TV.

Bird Moon before adding any stitching

The metallic paint and tread did not show up well in the photo which is too bad

Another shot of the stitching detail

Bird Moon after the stitching was done

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