Saturday, December 6, 2014

Dying A Good Death

About six months ago I told my favorite Dr, (she is also a medical intuitive), that I had a vision and that in the vision I was looking around my house as if I was not really there in the physical realm. It felt as if I was hovering between the physical and the spiritual realms. I heard my voice, (mentally not audibly), say, "This place looks just like her. I can see her in everything about this place." The "Her" being me. This Dr and I had been talking a lot about dying over the past months and what my life might look like towards the end due to this illness. I asked her what she thought the vision meant and she replied, "Maybe you are drawing closer to leaving, maybe you are on that path." 

I guess the truth is that we are all drawing closer to the time we will leave and we are all traveling on "That path". For some it will be a long journey and for some the trail will be much shorter. In the end don't think it matters much either way to the one that moves on. It is those left behind that suffer and grieve the loss. I think what is more important is to die a good death. When I did hospice work I saw many people die that way. They did their work, on both the physical and spiritual plains. Loose ends were neatly tied, goodbyes were said and they were ready to leave their pain wracked bodies and the illnesses of this world behind.  Not everyone gets the chance to leave with such preparedness, for some it is abrupt, unexpected, or violent. As a sensitive it has been my experience that sometimes those souls get frightened or lost for a while but with prayers and guidance we can help direct them to the light. 


So this painting came through me over the last 2 days and it makes me think of a soul in-between the dark and the light. This soul clearly sees, and is heading towards, the light.  She has done her work and is ready to move on. All is as it should be and a true healing is taking place. A healing so complete it is not possible to attain here.  I hope when my time comes I have completed  my work and that I die a good death. When I die is of much less importance to me. 


My Dr survived breast cancer last year and now it is back. She is no longer practicing, at least for now. She is focusing on her own healing and life. I wonder if she is drawing closer to leaving, if she is on on that path. I miss her. 

Thursday, December 4, 2014

And on Earth, Peace

 At first it was "In Solitude Thou Art With Me"  but I was urged on 
so I added a golden halo along with some other golden details. 

 Looking back at the first version above I wonder now if I wish I had stopped there. I do like both versions but Solitude was very special in it's simplicity. I'm glad I photographed it before I added the crown. It's so hard when to know when it is time to stop, especially when you are in the flow and going forward is so much fun. Sometimes I will set a painting aside overnight before I add more, I think I will do that more often.


The metallic paint made this one hard to photograph so I took shots at different exposures.

 "And on Earth, Peace"

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Winter in the Garden, I received my Spiritual Name


I seem to be weeding the garden that is my life these wintery days. Time is so precious and energy so sparse. I continually feel the need to narrow down my focus, burrowing deeply into what means the most to me, my love of and devotion to God and creative expression. I feel the ever increasing need to  disregard the rest. I want to die whispering God's Holy name; "Ram, Ram, Ram...." and, if possible, with a paintbrush in my hands, (or at least paint under my finger nails). I know I don't want to die typing a post on Facebook about some meaningless something or other ;-)

The night before last I had a powerful mystical experience where I very much felt the presence of God draw close to me and I was truly aware that it was God. My heart was overflowing, I felt in awe of this presence that surrounded me, there are no words for the experience. The next day, (yesterday), I received my spiritual name from Niirinjan Kaur who is trained in the tradition of Yogi Bhajan's teachings in determining a persons unique spiritual name. The name I was blessed with is, Ram Krishan Kaur. This was an incredibly powerful experience for me. I cried when I read it's meaning, releasing deep rivers of emotion from a well stored somewhere deep within me.  This name is such a powerful confirmation of my deep love of God and my faith that I am always surrounded by God's light despite the darkness of this illness. Don cried with me when he got home he was so happy for me. I feel very blessed to have received this name.


 Below is the interpretation I was given with the meaning my spiritual name: 
"You have been blessed to live as Ram Krishan Kaur, the Princess/Lioness whose universal essence goes beyond time and space and transcends any darkness to God’s Light.
Ram is a Name of God in His universal consciousness. Krishan denotes the conjunction of Krishna and Shiva in the soul, where the Universe stops and the Light emerges from the darkness. Kaur is a name that all women receive - the Princess/Lioness of God who walks with grace and strength throughout her life. Yogi Bhajan taught that every woman has the potential to attain this divine state and encouraged all to manifest it.

The name Ram Krishan Kaur is a constant reminder that your soul is universal and infinite and goes beyond any darkness to a place where time doesn’t exist. It is God’s Light. You have the power to penetrate and eliminate fears and negativity and manifest comfort, hope and light. Use these beautiful universal qualities to inspire and uplift yourself and others. Let the powerful sound of your name help you reach towards your highest destiny.
The power of your spiritual name is that the more you speak and hear it, the more it permeates your being, opening you to experience its nadh (universal inner sound current). Consciously merge with the vibration of the nadh to come into harmony with your highest destiny.

May God's guidance bless you with everything you need to reach your highest destiny.
May God bless you and guide you, now and forever. In the Name of the Cosmos which prevails through everyBODY, and the Holy Nam which holds the world. 

Many blessings,
Nirinjan Kaur"




Transforming My Studio (Small Victories, Huge Blessings)

This last week has brought with it small blessings that feel like huge victories to me. After a long relapse I feel like my brain is less inflamed and because of that I am able to think more clearly with less brain fog. I feel less depressed and I have even had some flickering moments of joy stirring in my heart center. Reading anything of any length is still nearly impossible and getting around is still very painful, BUT, I have been able to do more and more each day! This week I was able to do some light housekeeping and meal preparation which was a great relief to Don because the burden falls on him when I am sick (So we basically don't eat when I am sick cause he doesn't cook).  I have been able sleep for longer stretches of time each night (that's a biggie in reducing brain inflammation). I also have been blessed to once again snuggle with my hubby which is impossible for me when I am in a lot of pain both physically and emotionally.

Best of all, (doing a happy dance, at least mentally), I have been able to get into the studio for an hour or so, every other day. When the fatigue is so relentless that I can't do anything, never mind paint, my depression skyrockets and I get very bitchy. Being able to get into the studio for even very short periods of time is a huge blessing. I'm doing very quick acrylic paintings, starting abstract with no thought or intent and then letting what ever flows out of me onto the paper happen. I find this type of painting demands the least amount of energy from me.

I really have to try and stay out of my head or I get fatigued very quickly. Staying out of my head while painting is a huge challenge after years of having to paint to meet the demands of the gallery managers that represented my work. Before I began to show my work it was just second nature to paint from my heart and not my head, now it's hard. Now that I am medically retired from my professional art career I am trying to retrain my brain to just allow paintings to happen. They don't "Have to be good" anymore. It's very liberating when I can do it. I often see a tension in the finished piece now where it started out loose and slowly as it progressed my brain kicked in and tried to make something "good" out of it.  That tension bugs me, I want to leave the critic behind and paint looser more soulful work.

Don helped we reorganize the studio which was still pretty much set up as a silk painting studio. We moved all my silk painting stuff out of the way and put a lot of it in the basement. Then we moved all my mixed media and acrylic painting supplies closer to my work area. I was so grateful to have him help me do what fatigue kept preventing me from doing but needed to be done. Now that all my silk painting supplies are not screaming at me that I am no longer a professional silk painter I am more comfortable in the space.

Very early this morning I took some photos with the little camera so quality is not great but it will give you an idea of how my studio is morphing into an entirely new creative space for me. Don is going to build some shelves in the far corner where the silk steamer sits now so I can get more stuff up off the floor.












Sunday, November 30, 2014

Exploring Figurative & Abstract Paintings

After a long set back in health I am slowly working my way back into the studio by creating quick abstract paintings whenever I can get my energy levels up. Here are a few of the ones I have created so far. I am doing the paintings on very cheap paper, 90# or thinner, to relieve any pressure to make "good" or "salable" art. I want these to be purely expressive meditations using paint and paper. 
























Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Fiber in Autumn's Forest


Yesterday at P.T. they told me I needed to start using a cane again. I keep falling and hurting myself. He said "If I give you a cane today will you use it" I replied "No, I won't".  I wasn't ready.  Today I took my woven Rabbit, (and some nine patches for a walk), so I could photograph him. A short ways out I realized I had to come back to the house for my cane. I guess it had to be my decision, my choice.









Wednesday, October 1, 2014