I have so many creative ideas, so much I want to do in the studio and most days I am paralyzed with fatigue and pain. I dream about paintings and projects that I want to do every night only to find myself too exhausted to start them the next day. I am spending a lot of time homebound again, which I normally don’t mind as long as I can work in the studio, but when I can’t create every hour passes like days. My temper grows short and I am a misery to be around on those days. I am reading piles of books on using the mind to heal, positive thinking, illness without suffering, but this stealth pathogen that has invaded me does not seem to care about that.
I am really struggling with this bacterial dye off and the resulting autoimmune reaction. My Dr said I may have to stop the meds again to let my system calm down a bit but if I do then the whole process gets dragged out even longer because I have to restart at the beginning. She said it takes some people years to get up to the full dose for the time needed to kill off the Borrelia Burgdorferi bacteria. I have 4 medical appointments next week and I am down in the dumps lately, I really believed I would feel better by now. I feel so sad that this infection continues after 10 years, I want to be well again.
So many people are suffering with this disease and so many of them write to me and tell me how misunderstood and isolated they feel. I wish I could do more to help. I started the Lyme Awareness Art Project (LAAP) to give people with Neuroborriliosis (Advanced Neurological Lyme Disease) a creative outlet but aside from the online gallery I created for them: http://www.lymeawarenessartproject.com/ , I really don’t have the energy to promote more shows for all the artwork and poetry they have submitted right now.
People with a debilitating chronic illness that causes pain 24/7, doesn’t allow for sleep or even decent rest are often difficult to be around. They are often exhausted, in pain, depressed and can get really negative and cross. If you are a person that is blessed with health ask yourself this: “Is there something I can do to help someone I know that is suffering”. Do you have a talent or gift that you can share? If you are an artist make a creative art card and hand deliver it. Bake a healthy treat, often people with chronic illness are no longer able to do any baking for themselves. Ask them if they need a ride to go shopping or to a Doctor’s appointment. Sometimes it is worth more than words can say to just go sit with someone, just be there to listen and to offer your support.
As you move through your day today rejoice in your wellness, really feel the blessing of health in your body, then draw from that spacious place and reach out to someone that is suffering.