I'm Still Looking Up

Many of you know that over the last 12 years I have tried thousands of cures for this stubborn disease. Medications of every kind, including pills, herbs, IV's and all the assorted potions, lotions and "cures" out there. I have tried prayer, visualizations, brain retraining, mantras, meditations. I have tooted on love flutes and banged on drums with Shamans, done yoga, and Reiki. I've been on restricted diets, fasts, cleanses. I have done it all and through it all I have always believed that I will receive healing. I still do. I also believe that this illness is a  messenger of sorts and that without it I would not have advanced spiritually the way that I have over these 12 years.

I am reading Wayne Dyer's "Wishes Fulfilled" book on the words "I Am that I Am" being the name of God.  Something huge is shifting in me, something all those other treatments weren't able to budge. I can't completely form it into words yet but I feel that I am on the cusp of a very big change in my life. Another leap forward on this journey. It feels very sentimental and scared, somehow ancient, yet completely new.

This song floated into my life yesterday through my new friend Carl. I had never heard it before but I immediately felt a deep connection to it. It feels like a conversation between my Higher Self and my Inner Child and at the same time a conversation between God and me.

"I see that you've come so far

 To be right where you are

 How old is your soul? 

 I won't give up on us

 Even if the skies get rough

 I'm giving you all my love

 I'm still looking up"

"I Won't Give Up"
by Jason Mraz

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up