Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Reflections on Turning 50 (on 12/12/12)
I was born on 12/12/62 at 12:00 noon, so today on 12/12/12 I am celebrating my 50th Birthday. I feel incredibly blessed to have had my half century birthday fall on such a special date. This is, after all, the last time we will see a line up of dates like this in our lifetime. They say there are rare planetary alignments today and today was also a worldwide day of prayer, what more could a gal ask for to help her celebrate the day of her birth!
When I was in my late 30's I got sick and it took Doctors 6 years to figure out what was wrong. By the time I entered my 40's I was extremely unwell, in terrible pain and very disabled. I still had faith that I would be healed and that became my focus over the next decade of my life. I tried everything to "get well". My 40's are a blur of Dr's appointments, tests, adverse reactions to medications and suicidal depressions. After working with the Brazilian healer, John of God, for a couple of years I received immense spiritual and emotional healing. I have also received much healing on the physical plane as well but I am still quite disabled. The difference now is that the spiritual healing I have received has enabled me to loosen my grip on finding the ever elusive cure for my disease. I am OK, probably better than a lot of "healthy" people. I am limited physically and energetically but my heart is continuing to open and be touched by Divine light and love.
I am totally psyched to let go of the "lost" decade of my 40's that was so plagued with illness, pain, suffering and loss and to be entering my 50's which is absolutely pregnant with possibility. Even my artwork has undergone a complete metamorphosis. When I was too sick to create my creativity retreated into a dark and still cocoon where it transformed itself daily through visions, desires and dream filled nights. Watered by tears, fed and drawn even deeper by constant prayer and mediation. The chrysalis has broken open and I feel that perhaps for the first time in decades I am creating authentic art. Art that comes from that deep place of soul.
Since August 2012 Don and I have been building a house in the woods on 36 acres. During this journey we have traveled though the highs and lows of both Heaven and Hell. We are nearly there now and in the next few months we will be moving back to the woods. All of my life I have felt the draw of the woods deep in the very marrow of my bones. Now that I am returning to my beloved woods I feel I am coming full circle. As both an artist and a woman I feel as though I am reborn at 50 and I can't wait to see what gifts the decades that lay before me offer up on the alter of my life. I know that even if I never find a cure, the next decade will not be about illness. It will be about life, love, and finding peace. I will draw my artistic inspiration from our 36 acres of forest, the earth, our pound, and the flora and fauna that dwells there. My life focus will be finding peace, continuing to open my heart and deepening my connection to the Divine.
For 2 months before my birthday I was really sick and very depressed. I prayed daily, in ernest, for God to help me feel well on this birthday. When I awoke this morning I felt more healthful than I have in a long time. I had a blessed wonderful day with my beloved husband and this evening as we were heading home from a birthday trip to buy some art supplies God placed a stunning golden, glowing heart in the sky to wish me a happy birthday. I feel well and my heart is full to the point of overflowing.