The formation of a new creative idea, one that begs to pull you off the safe & structured path your on can be both exhilarating and painfully exhausting. Kind of like giving birth! Something is brewing, lots of experimenting & frustration at not having this powerful impulse immediately expressed, tonight I am feeling the labor pains of a new creation that is yet to be born.
For years I have been creating work to sell, work that I know WILL sell, yet I have always wanted to create more expressive, soulful work that pulls from a very deep place within me, without any care as to whether it sold or not. Because I do sell such a high volume of work I am very addicted to the "sale" of my work, that feeds my self-worth as an artist. So it is very scary for me to break away and to do the often strange expressive work that I would prefer to do but that seldom sells. Doing both at the same time is extremely difficult if not impossible for me so I would like to take a couple of months to immerse myself in some expressive work, but on the other hand I have a bunch of custom orders hanging over my head, that I have been putting off for months.
It goes deeper than that of course, lots of fear involved at going too deep and putting it on canvas. I am trying to find a balance and I have some very strong creative urgings right now that refuse to be ignored so I think I may try getting my oil paints out and see what happens. Tough to do with this fatigue relapse I am experiencing from the Lyme disease but also very necessary.
It takes a lot of courage to move through the earliest inner stirrings of a new creative thought, through the experimentation & failures, to the realization of a completed work of art.